


like a ghost in this town

by ShaneVansen



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, post ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneVansen/pseuds/ShaneVansen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Audrey's gone, but Nathan's not.  (post-ep for <i>Thanks for the Memories</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a ghost in this town

**Author's Note:**

> It was kind of round-about, but title comes from [The Sound Of](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jannarden/thesoundof.html) by [Jann Arden](http://www.jannarden.com/).
> 
> December21st tried her best, but I was being ~~lazy~~ stubborn and didn't listen, so all the stuff about wills and powers of attorney and such is probably wrong. Completely my fault. She did succeed in getting me to fix up other confusing parts, though, so be sure to thank her for that. Anything that still doesn't make sense is also completely my fault.
> 
> And it's taken me a good six months to get here (this fic and I did _not_ get along), but I have now officially written a post-ep or missing scene for every single episode of season 3.

There's so much he's supposed to be doing right now, on some level Nathan's aware of that, but all he can do is stand there beside the space where the barn – where _Audrey_ – used to be.

There's shouting behind him and he turns to see the same people who, minutes ago, had just walked away from them. 

Had just abandoned them.

"Nathan!" he hears, but he can't pull it together – or just doesn't care – enough to put a name to the voice. "We heard gunshots! Are you all right?"

_Gunshots?_

Slowly, slowly, he turns, and sees Jordan lying motionless in the grass.

_Oh, right. Gunshots._

His vision greys out, then darkens, and he's unconscious before he hits the ground.

***

He wakes in the back of someone's vehicle, and oh _god_ does it hurt. Not just the crushing ache in his chest where his heart's supposed to be but actual, physical pain.

 _Oh_ , he thinks. _So this is what it feels like to be shot._

And then he passes out again.

***

When he wakes in the hospital, he can't feel anything and the meteors have stopped. He has no idea what that means.

***

The doctors want to keep him in the hospital but it gives him too much time to think, so he signs himself out and goes back to work. They've patched him together enough that he can function, and it's not like he can feel the pain anyway.

The town is unsettled over the next several days, even by Haven's definition of the word. People's Troubles come and go, wreaking havoc for a few minutes or a few hours and then disappearing again just as suddenly. No one, not even Dave and Vince, has ever heard of anything like it.

Something is very, very wrong.

Nathan spends his days doing what he can to keep Haven from falling apart – figuratively and sometimes literally – and his nights out where the barn disappeared. The very early hours of that first morning after he leaves the hospital, when even he has to admit that he needs to sleep, he ends up at Audrey's apartment but can't make himself go any further than the front door.

He doesn't try again.

***

Duke, it turns out, has left him both the _Grey Gull_ and the _Cape Rouge_ , which is somehow both the most ridiculous thing Nathan can think of and the only thing that makes any sense these days.

The official report lists Duke – and Audrey, for that matter – as missing, but there's a clause in his will that, in such an event, his estate is to be left in Nathan's care. He spends a few hours considering just selling the two pieces of property. Nathan tells himself it's because he has no interest in running a restaurant or living on a boat, especially Duke's, but he knows that's not the real reason. Getting rid of Duke's stuff is like admitting that he won't be back; more than that, it's the same as admitting that _Audrey_ won't be back, and Nathan's nowhere near ready for that. So he leaves the running of the _Gull_ to Ana, who's been working there since the beginning, and asks Beattie Mitchell to take care of finding someone to look after the _Cape Rouge_ , and then he does his best to avoid both places as much as he can.

***

The Trouble-less stretches get longer, from hours at a time to days, and then a week passes without incident, and then another, and everyone seems to agree that they've survived another cycle.

Nathan quits.

Someone higher up – he suspects one of the Teagues brothers called in a favour but can't be bothered to follow up on the theory – intercedes on his behalf and it gets filed as a leave of absence rather than a resignation, but Nathan knows he won't be setting foot in that building ever again. Not without Audrey. He just can't work in the job that brought them together, in the building where they worked their way from partners to friends – and more. It's too much.

He walks out of the building with a single box of his possessions and doesn't look back.

***

Nathan spends his days doing research. Just because she's gone it doesn't mean he can't figure out a way to bring her back early. At the very least, even if he has to wait until the next cycle starts, maybe he can find a way to make it her last time. Maybe he can find a way for her to stay.

She deserves that. Even if it's with a new personality, with a new set of memories that don't include him, she deserves to live her life.

He's always been careful with his money; between his savings and what his father left him, he doesn't have to worry about finding work. There are days when he gets sidetracked by odd jobs for townspeople who don't care that he no longer works for Haven PD, like helping Mrs. Wilson find her lost dog or doing a safety check of Mr. Greyson's property so the elderly man feels more secure, but most of his time is spent tracking down as much information about the Troubles as he can.

He scours the internet and haunts the library. It grates on his nerves to have to ask anything of the Teagues brothers, but he swallows his residual bitterness at all of their past secrets and combs through back issues of the _Herald_. He tracks down names and interviews anyone with even a remote connection to Lucy or Sarah.

There's nothing. He gathers bits and pieces of information he didn't know before, but none of it makes sense and it doesn't come close to telling him why the cycles keep repeating or how to make them stop. Some days, he's afraid it's because there _is_ no way to stop them.

***

He comes across Audrey's last message completely by accident.

It's on a flash drive he finds in the glove compartment of his truck. Not recognizing it, he plugs it into his laptop and finds a list of files, one with his name. Curious, he clicks on that one first, and the image that pops up on the screen leaves him feeling like he's been kicked in the chest.

He hits pause and spends too long just staring at her image. They live in a time where cameras seem to be everywhere, and somehow it wasn't until after she was gone that he realized he has no pictures of her.

When he thinks he can take it, Nathan re-starts the video. The first time through, he doesn't even hear what she's saying; he's caught up in the way she looks, the way she sounds, and it's like being shot all over again when he understands he'd already been starting to forget the details.

He watches it a second time, and then a third, and then strings the flash drive on the chain around his neck with his father's ring. It makes her feel closer.

***

He leaves Haven.

He packs up his truck with food, clothes, camping supplies, and not much else, and just starts driving. Most nights he finds a place in the woods to set up camp, not much caring about how cold it's getting now. Every once in a while he stops for a night in a small town, stays in a motel and takes advantage of the shower before stocking up and moving on.

After a few weeks, he returns. Whatever he thought he'd find away from his home town, whatever comfort he thought he might find in solitude, it's all still empty. His heart, or whatever's left of it, is in the one place where Audrey and their son will one day reappear, even if it won't be for more than a quarter-century yet.

***

Seven months, one week, and five days after the barn disappears, Nathan wakes up and can't feel anything.

He smiles.

***

He starts paying attention. He'd isolated himself, kept himself separate from everyone else, but now he starts paying attention.

The signs are small, easily overlooked or explained away, but he sees them because he's looking. The flowers in full bloom along King Street despite the snow on the ground, the smell of fudge when there is no fudge... Nathan notices, and he knows what it means.

He doesn't go back to work – he still can't bring himself to set foot in that building – but he finds ways to help those who need it. He doesn't have her talents, but he can make a difference. For the first time in a long time, Nathan finds that that matters.

***

Thirteen months, three weeks, and four days after the barn disappears, someone pounds on his door at three in the morning. He grunts his annoyance, grabs his weapon just in case, and stumbles to the door.

"What?" he snaps as he pulls the door open, and then stands there and blinks because surely he must still be dreaming. " _Audrey_?"

"Nathan," she says, her voice catching on his name, and walks into his arms.

_\--end--_

**Author's Note:**

> I am spoiler free! Speculation is fine, but please no actual spoilers or rumours about season 4. Thanks for understanding. :)


End file.
